In addition to my clean scan, I'm happy to report that my blood work was all normal -- including my pesky WBC, which had been persistently low in previous checkups. While I think I'm still technically immunocompromised, I'm a lot less immunocompromised than I was after I wrapped up my 6 month chemo cocktail. AKA BRING ON THE GERMZ!
While I was pretty certain this scan would be clean (statistically, I had about a 90% chance of staying in remission), I was still incredibly nervous, as I'm sure you can imagine. After all, anxiety gurl doesn't just go into remission once cancer goes into remission. It didn't help matters that my scan came at one of the busiest times in the semester and at work, which meant I was already riled up from all of the external stuff going on in my life. Thankfully, my anxiety about a relapse has, for the most part, improved (aka I don't think of cancer every few minutes like I used to. Now it's more like every few hours or so. Progress!). I'm sure I will always experience a degree of scanxiety, but thankfully I won't have to go through this for awhile since my next scan will be one year from now (though I'll still be having quarterly check ups for the next year).
So, what else has gone on these last few months? My hair has been growing...slowly, but it's growing! This whole grow out experience made me reflect on how well I handled losing it during chemo. I mean, I was still really pissed off, but to be honest, growing it out has been much more frustrating than losing it. It's just so painstakingly slow. And curly. And frizzy. But, it's hair that is not synthetic and is reasonably similar to what I had pre-chemo, so I guess I can't complain too much. I actually liked it at its pixie stage, but now it's been at this weird in-between length for the last few months and is just meh. When it first started growing back I wasn't sure if I wanted it long again since I am (almost!) in my late twenties and wanted to look all sophisticated with a bob or something equally grown up, but now I just want to have long hair because I can. Then I'll cut it again. But for now, grow, baby, grow!
Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure:
 |
| Curly hair (slightly straightened to tame the wild beast) |
 |
| A little bit straighter for my work headshot. This took about an hour to do...aka that was one of the only times I've bothered straightening my hair. |
Other than my painstakingly slow-growing hair, other post-chemo fun includes fatigue and weight gain (okay, not a ton, but some, and the fact that I'm gaining weight after steriods -- and didn't during -- is frustrating!). The fatigue could very well be from my grueling schedule, and the weight gain from my grueling schedule which forces me to eat way too much takeout, but I'm choosing to blame them both on The Hodge. Asshole.
Other than that, things have been pretty good. Busy, often stressful, but overall good. In some ways this post-year has been harder than the actual cancer part was because it was a lot of rebuilding, but now that thing seem to be finally falling into place, it feels good to have some structure in my life again and to be working towards personal and professional goals. Since I was fortunate to have limited side effects, the little 6 month "vacation" I took -- aka putting my life on hold -- was the most frustrating part of treatment for me (although I have a half-written blog that I may or may not publish someday which discusses how I sort of have a Stockholm Syndrome relationship with those 6 months). Life and its paradoxes!
Oh, and another cool update: I'm co-planning an awesome adventure with the NYC FDTribs group (aka the NYC chapter of First Descents). We're still in the early stages, but we will either be surfing or white water rafting in the first part of this summer! I'm incredibly excited for this opportunity to bring the NYC FD community together over a good ole adventure. And this won't be the only FD adventure...my wonderful boyfriend Scott will be participating in the FD Rock program in the Smokey Mountains. This is a specific trip for caregivers and significant others, and I'm so pumped that Scott will have a chance to experience the FD magic. If you'd like a refresher on First Descents and how adventure therapy is the best therapy, check out my post about my kayaking trip last summer. You can also donate to my fundraising campaign to raise money for future trips for young adult cancer survivors here.
Thanks, as always, to my family, the Meslows, my awesome care team at the U of MN, and, of course, my wonderful friends. You all were crucial in helping me get this far and (somewhat) staying sane throughout this whole ordeal. <3
