FDR and the art of mind over matter

Unless you've been living under a rock these last few weeks, you've probably heard that Ken Burns' latest documentary series, The Roosevelts: An Intimate History, recently premiered on PBS. Over a series of 2-hour installments broken down by era, the film chronicles the rise of the Roosevelt family starting from when TR was a young pup to the rise of FDR, the New Deal, and WWII to, finally, Eleanor's activism in the 1960s. I have more time on my hands than usual, but I don't have that much time to have seen all of them - we're talking about 14 hours of Ken Burns here - so I've cherry picked the episodes I'm most interested in, which all center around FDR.

Why FDR? Because FDR has always been my favorite president. Sorry, Doug, I will never be on board the Washington bandwagon. So Washington stepped down after two terms a didn't declare himself king? Big deal. FDR saved the country - twice! - and created some of our must beloved social safety programs that have allowed millions of Americans to have a better life. While my love affair with our 32nd president goes way back, it intensified in the last year I worked at the Roosevelt House Public Policy Institute at Hunter College. I literally got to work in his former home! What a guy!

Not to mention he was a total babe in his younger years (Ryan Gosling, anyone?!)

Okay, so why am I gushing about FDR in my cancer blog? After all, the man had polio, not cancer.

From a medical perspective, comparing cancer to polio is like comparing apples to oranges, but his outlook on dealing with a serious medical issue really resonated with me. I have been told by multiple people that I am handling my diagnosis almost creepily well, which I'll take as a compliment. The way I've been processing it is by looking at the facts rationally, reasoning that all the odds point in my favor. This is not to minimize my condition in any way. I'm well aware that treatment doesn't work for everyone and that people do, in fact, die from Hodgkin's. However, it has a great prognosis overall, which is even better if caught early (thankfully, mine was). These are odds that any gambler would be happy to bet on. 

FDR, though, was not that lucky. Within days of being infected with the polio virus, he was effectively paralyzed from the waist down. Nothing he did - no massages, acupuncture, or hydrotherapy - did anything to bring back the sensations in his legs. Yet he never gave up - even when he most likely did. I'm sure this is a point of contention among historians - many argue he went to his grave believing there was still something he could try to cure himself - but I think there's enough evidence to infer that FDR accepted he would never walk (in the traditional sense), and instead put his efforts into appearing that he could, both for his own mental sanity and for his political career. After all, it is highly unlikely that he would be elected three times if the nation truly perceived him to be a "cripple", as his Republican pals liked to call him.

That is sort of where I'm at now, minus the dim prognosis. I can't control if my treatment will work (though I hope it does), but I can try to keep the appearance of having a normal life. I am working part time, staying active, seeing friends, eating my weekly Chipotle, and even indulging in the occasional beer or two. There are some days where I feel like just verging out, which is totally fine, but even on those days I force myself to at least do one thing productive. It sucks while I'm doing it, but I always feel better afterward. You know, like doing burpies at boot camp. 

This is not to say that I am bottling up my feelings -- quite the contrary. It is to say that I think FDR and I share a personality trait that if we psyche ourselves up to think things are normal, we feel normal. 

Of course, I am still in the early days of my treatment. It is quite possible in a month from now that I will have become a curmudgeony little hermit who frequently yells "GET OFF MY LAWN" to any normally functioning human beings. In fact, that's probably pretty likely. But for now, I'm going to channel my inner FDR and keep up his mantra of mind over matter. 

(Swoon).