Monday, September 15, 2014

On the cultural imperialism of New York City

Greetings, everyone!

I hope you all had a fantastic weekend. Mine was a lot of fun --  I had some family in town, so there was a lot of eating, chatting, and general merriment. What was not fun was my Saturday morning. I mentioned in an earlier post that I have not been sleeping very well due to lower back pain at night (though I'm fine once I get up, go figure). I've noticed that other times when I've come home to visit this happens, so I am fairly confident it is related to my mattress, as I did not have any issues back in NYC.

Anyway, it has made for some atrocious nights' sleep. And if there is one thing you should know about me, I become a monster when I have not had proper sleep (at least 7 -- preferably 8 -- hours). I can usually get by on a few days of skimping, but anything more than that and I am one unhappy camper. So, on Saturday morning, after about a week of waking up in pain on the hour, every hour, I finally gave up on "catching up on sleep" and got out of bed at 6 am feeling like this:


In my insomniac haze, I thought, If I had stayed in NYC, I wouldn't be going through this. In fact, despite the obnoxiously loud garbage trucks, dramatic fights on the street, and ambulance sirens, I'd likely be sleeping a-okay on my cruddy little Ikea bed. I'd wake up feeling refreshed, revived, and ready to take on the day. But it wasn't just a good night's sleep that I missed. Suddenly, I realized just how much I missed New York City as a whole.

Now, I have felt, at best, cautiously positive about New York City in the two years I lived there. I like NYC, but I will never love it, I commonly told people. More accurately, I have a like-hate relationship with the city, mostly because there are so many uniquely New York things that just drive me crazy. But now that I'm not there, I couldn't help but wonder (cue Carrie Bradshaw voice): Maybe we need to be uncomfortable -- or at least outside our comfort zone -- to truly be comfortable.

It makes sense! My time in New York City has, for the most part, been a struggle. From being broke all the time to battling flying cockroaches to having to drag a month's worth of laundry to the laundromat to hour-long phone battles with Time Warner Cable over mystery charges to waiting in line for 30 minutes to pay for groceries at PathMark to holding my breath walking through Chinatown to avoid gagging from the garbage, life has not exactly been easy for me these last few years. These examples -- as well as my awful experience navigating the NYC medical landscape, where I dealt with incompetent doctors (at worst) and indifferent doctors (at best), are why I decided to move back to Minnesota for treatment.

And from a strictly medical standpoint, I am confident that was the right decision. My treatment, so far, has been excellent, and my medical team is compassionate and knowledgeable. There is definitely something to be said for wanting to be around "Minnesota Nice" when you have cancer.

But when it comes to my personal life, my career, and my interests, the verdict is still out. I miss Fort Greene. I miss the people I've grown close to the last few years. I miss our patio overlooking Spike Lee's studio.  I miss my favorite bars. I miss aimless walks where I would creep into the windows of million dollar brownstones and evaluate their interior design. I miss New York City tap water. I miss day trips to different neighborhoods. I miss biking through a maze of pedestrians and cabs. Above all, though, I miss the constant stimulation -- both good and bad -- of New York City.

All of this is made even more bittersweet by the fact that it is impossible to escape NYC -- even when I'm 1,000 miles away. This is because almost ALL of the popular culture I consume is based in New York City. There are my staples, such as 30 Rock and Sex and the City, which I enjoy watching when I am feeling lazy, need a laugh, or just have some time to kill. Then there is Girls, which I have been catching up on, even though I oftentimes get so frustrated with it that I have to turn it off (please tell me that the rumors were true and Jessa leaves the show...). Then there is Louie, which I have just started and love, though it makes me depressed every time he is doing standup at the Comedy Cellar because it reminds me of that time Scott and I saw Aziz Ansari performing a secret show shortly before my diagnosis. Oh, and I can't forget The Mindy Project, which I started re-watching with my mom and sister (curiously, my dad goes downstairs to his "man cave" whenever he hears Mindy Kaling's voice). Even a random crime novel I uncharacteristically picked up at the Eagan Public Library called Invisible City features a ton of my old Brooklyn and New York stomping grounds, including awesome passages describing the specific scent of New York City bodega coffee. I have also been debating re-watching Bored to Death for the third time, but I think I'll hold off because you can literally see my apartment in some of the shots where Jonathan, George, and Ray are prowling the streets of Brooklyn.

Now, you're probably thinking, why don't I just start seeking out non NYC-based television, movies, and books? Well, easier said than done! I tried watching Friday Night Lights, because it's supposed to be, like, sooooo great (and I've had a crush on Kyle Chandler since his Early Edition days), but I really couldn't get into it (football, God, blah blah blah), although it was fun to hear Scott say "Tim 'Big Rig' Riggins" on repeat like a broken record. Oh, and I am watching one non-NYC show, Veep, but that opens up a whole new can of worms (I lived in DC for two years before NYC, and easily get nostalgic for that, too).

So what's a girl to do when she's nostalgic for a place that literally dominates the cultural landscape -- at least the cultural landscape that a young, liberal artsy, politically liberal gal enjoys? Well, I can either start watching network dramas that appeal to a more "broader" (code, non-coastal) American audience, or I can start watching the Mary Tyler Moore Show to get me psyched up about Minnesota. Given some of the atrocious previews of new fall shows, I think I'll go with the latter.

So, that was my I miss NYC meltdown in a nutshell. Two days -- and a lot more sleep -- later (thank the lord for heating pads), I am happy to report that I'm feeling slightly better about things. I think what's really been hard these last few weeks is that I actually don't feel that bad. My first round of chemo was relatively painless and had very few side effects. It's been almost two weeks and I feel totally normal, which makes it feel so weird to be living with my parents and not be working. I had this feeling in my mind that I would turn into some sort of invalid who would need her mommy and daddy to wait on her (I even joked about getting a bell I could ding every time I needed something). Had I known that I would feel normal, I am not sure that I would have decided to uproot my whole life to come to Minnesota for treatment. Of course, ABVD chemo is cumulative, so it will likely get harder and harder on my body as treatment goes on, but right now I can't shut off the part of my brain that keeps telling myself You would have been fine in NYC. Alas! The grass is always greener....

So, in the meantime, I'm going to keep telling myself this:


So I don't turn into this:

3 comments:

  1. To get more of NYC in your shows, I highly recommend Broad City! Such awesome ladies in super funny and wacky situations. And a much more positive female friendship than GIRLS.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. NYC misses you!
    XO, Amyrose & all your RH buds!

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